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Get in the picture!

Before Ava was born, I loved being in pictures.  So much so that I actually photo bombed people every chance I got.  I didn’t worry about how I looked.  I wasn’t concerned with my “good side.”  I had black and hot pink hair, and not a care in the world.  I just jumped in and smiled.

Then I had a baby…and boy did things change.  I was constantly worried about my tummy or my hips.  I tried to stand behind someone in pictures to hide everything I didn’t like.  This story is extra funny now because post baby #2 body would’ve loved to look like post baby #1 body, but I think that goes to prove my point.  We might not ever love how we look.  And sometimes it isn’t even about a baby body.  Maybe it’s a change in our hair, or the lines in our faces that have recently appeared.  Maybe it’s the gravitational pull of certain parts that seems stronger now than ever before.  I had an ex tell me once that I had horse teeth and it took me years, I kid you not, YEARS to want to show my teeth in a photo again.  Loving ourselves can be hard.  But, from my heart to yours, GET IN THE PICTURE.  Please.  For your family.  For yourself.

My mom died 15 years ago.  I was 23; she was 50.  I wish more than anything that I had more photos of her.  Her alone.  Her and my dad.  Me in her arms.  I don’t care how pretty she felt or how much weight she had gained or lost.  I don’t care about the little patch of gray hair that had started to grow, ironically in the same spot that mine has started to grow as well.  I cared that she was my mom and she loved me.  She was always beautiful to me.  As time goes on, no matter how hard I try, the memories start to fade.  I can’t always imagine her smell anymore.  I can’t really remember her voice.  I can’t always see her face clearly in my head.  More than anything, I wish I had more pictures to keep the memories alive.

As I have gotten older, and my body has changed, and my face has changed, I keep remembering my mom.  I keep reminding myself that my family deserves pictures of me, no matter how I feel.  I want large canvases of our family to hang on our walls and I want my kids to see them every day as a reminder of how loved they are.  I want my children to be able to look back at pictures of us and know that Mom was, in fact, at the beach too.  And most of all, when I am gone, I want my family to look back on pictures of us and remember how they felt on the special days or vacations, and how much I loved them with my whole heart every, single day.

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4/15/2022

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Get in the picture!

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